The last few days have been a dungstorm of craptastic
garbage. A root canal with intestinal
flu kind of an experience. No one died,
no family illness, just an unfun experience of a weeklong window.
I’ll explain.
First of all, there were some unexpected expenses, and I
mean a bunch of them. School started,
and soccer got into full swing both carrying with them an assortment of
expenses. I mean school clothes and
supplies and uniforms and back to school nights with donations for whatever
else. For some reason every household bill came due on the same day and
Adrienne had to travel twice for work which has its own expenses and it own
stresses. It would have been quicker just
to throw my wallet into a bush and walk away.
Then there’s the time part of it. With Adrienne out of town and me becoming
daddy day care, my days became very long.
Avery is playing soccer and running cross country. Her running coach said to me, with a straight
face mind you, that “I understand that she is in soccer, plenty of the kids
are. I understand completely. So just bring her to cross country ON THE
DAYS SHE’S NOT IN SOCCER”. To those uninitiated
in the world of parentdom, this is a tall order.
“Yeah, no problem” I replied but inside I’m thinking “Holy
hell, how in the love of everything sacred and holy can I add another drop-off/
pick up to every day of the week?” For the first time every I began to consider
that cloning humans isn’t such a bad call.
I know from personal experience that when I stress, I grind
my teeth when I sleep. To date, I
haven’t ground one out of my head. I
changed that the other night. I cracked
one of those guys in two.
This morning I was driving the girls to school. It was a tight gripping eyes forward sort of
a drive. A wits end sort of thing. The kind of time where you are keeping your
shit together by a thread. A thin, frayed
thread. I was trying to get the girls to school and then find a moment to
regather myself on the way to the office.
It was that moment when I
realized that my computer was still sitting on my couch. Something
in me broke. I was at a red light and I
put my hand through what hair I have left, frustrated. Just then, my eldest asked me, “What’s wrong,
daddy, you seem sad.”
Damn.
“Nothings wrong sweetheart, I didn’t sleep very well last
night.” That was the truth, but not the
whole truth and not nothing but the truth.
Daddy hadn’t been sleeping very well at all lately. Nor has he been eating very well or been
running the way he usually does. He’s
tired, he’s stressed, he doesn’t know when things will lighten up and now he is
in the unenviable position of lying to his daughter to cover it up. I dropped them off and made the slow trek
back to my house to retrieve a computer bag that should have been with me all
along.
With the notion of being concise, I’ll suffice it to say that
the rest of the day failed to improve on its beginnings.
At dinner my daughter asked me if things had gotten
better. They hadn’t. This time I was more honest. I let her know
that I hadn’t had a great day but that I was happier now seeing them and having
dinner as a family. She seemed happy
with my answer but still gave me an extra hug at bedtime.
The lesson here girls?
I can think of a couple. First,
everyone has a bad day here and there.
Everyone has times where they feel the world is conspiring against
them. That you feel like the eye in the
sky is a mean kid with a magnifying glass.
You know what, maybe it is. Maybe
you have periods where you have to take your lumps. Maybe you need a chance to take the fetal
position in the middle of your bed and wait for tomorrow. The thing you have to realize is that whether
karma is actually out to get you, or you are just seeing it that way, its temporary. It’ll go away. Stay strong, you’ll be fine. The other thing isn’t quite as easy to talk
about. I have bad days. Mommy does, too.
I remember growing up a lot of years ago and seeing Grandma
working three jobs to make ends meet.
One of her jobs had her proofreading phone books from home. You read that correctly, she proofread phone
books. Try to design a worse job in your
head. Impossible. But I digress, one
day, I walked in on her doing her proofreading and she was crying onto the
pages. I asked her what was wrong, and
she said that her eyes were bothering her from the proofreading. Now, that may have been the truth, but not
the whole truth and not nothing but the truth.
I imagine Grandma was tired, sick of working as hard as she was and let the
mask slip for an unguarded moment. Here’s
the thing. She worked those jobs to make
sure her kids were okay. She may have
been tired and hurting but I bet she wouldn’t have changed it.
The same goes for me and mommy. Some days it feels like a
lot of pressure, but it’s okay.
Sometimes we let our guard down, but its because we trust you and trust
that you know how much we love you.
So, yes sweetheart, daddy was sad, but he isn’t now. He will be again someday, but it won’t
last. No need to worry. He’ll be goofing off with you in no time,
making mommy sad!
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