The last few days have been a dungstorm of craptastic garbage. A root canal with intestinal flu kind of an experience. No one died, no family illness, just an unfun experience of a weeklong window.
First of all, there were some unexpected expenses, and I mean a bunch of them. School started, and soccer got into full swing both carrying with them an assortment of expenses. I mean school clothes and supplies and uniforms and back to school nights with donations for whatever else. For some reason every household bill came due on the same day and Adrienne had to travel twice for work which has its own expenses and it own stresses. It would have been quicker just to throw my wallet into a bush and walk away.
Then there’s the time part of it. With Adrienne out of town and me becoming daddy day care, my days became very long. Avery is playing soccer and running cross country. Her running coach said to me, with a straight face mind you, that “I understand that she is in soccer, plenty of the kids are. I understand completely. So just bring her to cross country ON THE DAYS SHE’S NOT IN SOCCER”. To those uninitiated in the world of parentdom, this is a tall order.
“Yeah, no problem” I replied but inside I’m thinking “Holy hell, how in the love of everything sacred and holy can I add another drop-off/ pick up to every day of the week?” For the first time every I began to consider that cloning humans isn’t such a bad call.
I know from personal experience that when I stress, I grind my teeth when I sleep. To date, I haven’t ground one out of my head. I changed that the other night. I cracked one of those guys in two.
This morning I was driving the girls to school. It was a tight gripping eyes forward sort of a drive. A wits end sort of thing. The kind of time where you are keeping your shit together by a thread. A thin, frayed thread. I was trying to get the girls to school and then find a moment to regather myself on the way to the office. It was that moment when I realized that my computer was still sitting on my couch. Something in me broke. I was at a red light and I put my hand through what hair I have left, frustrated. Just then, my eldest asked me, “What’s wrong, daddy, you seem sad.”
“Nothings wrong sweetheart, I didn’t sleep very well last night.” That was the truth, but not the whole truth and not nothing but the truth. Daddy hadn’t been sleeping very well at all lately. Nor has he been eating very well or been running the way he usually does. He’s tired, he’s stressed, he doesn’t know when things will lighten up and now he is in the unenviable position of lying to his daughter to cover it up. I dropped them off and made the slow trek back to my house to retrieve a computer bag that should have been with me all along.
With the notion of being concise, I’ll suffice it to say that the rest of the day failed to improve on its beginnings.
At dinner my daughter asked me if things had gotten better. They hadn’t. This time I was more honest. I let her know that I hadn’t had a great day but that I was happier now seeing them and having dinner as a family. She seemed happy with my answer but still gave me an extra hug at bedtime.
The lesson here girls? I can think of a couple. First, everyone has a bad day here and there.
Everyone has times where they feel the world is conspiring against them. That you feel like the eye in the sky is a mean kid with a magnifying glass. You know what, maybe it is. Maybe you have periods where you have to take your lumps. Maybe you need a chance to take the fetal position in the middle of your bed and wait for tomorrow. The thing you have to realize is that whether karma is actually out to get you, or you are just seeing it that way, its temporary. It’ll go away. Stay strong, you’ll be fine. The other thing isn’t quite as easy to talk about. I have bad days. Mommy does, too.
I remember growing up a lot of years ago and seeing Grandma working three jobs to make ends meet. One of her jobs had her proofreading phone books from home. You read that correctly, she proofread phone books. Try to design a worse job in your head. Impossible. But I digress, one day, I walked in on her doing her proofreading and she was crying onto the pages. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that her eyes were bothering her from the proofreading. Now, that may have been the truth, but not the whole truth and not nothing but the truth. I imagine Grandma was tired, sick of working as hard as she was and let the mask slip for an unguarded moment. Here’s the thing. She worked those jobs to make sure her kids were okay. She may have been tired and hurting but I bet she wouldn’t have changed it.
The same goes for me and mommy. Some days it feels like a lot of pressure, but it’s okay. Sometimes we let our guard down, but its because we trust you and trust that you know how much we love you.
So, yes sweetheart, daddy was sad, but he isn’t now. He will be again someday, but it won’t last. No need to worry. He’ll be goofing off with you in no time, making mommy sad!
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